Mums and mantra: the drama of pubblic opinion
- rikocucinacucito
- 7 dic 2015
- Tempo di lettura: 4 min
Becoming mum I discovered a new social behaviour, unknown until now even though I have a degree in sociology. When a new child is born it doesn't belong to the parents only but to the entire community. I discovered this is a commun point between many cultures. Every mum has experienced the more or less invasive presence of raltives, shop keeper, neighbours and passers by who want to look, touch, hug the baby. Farther I discovered that every culture has its own mantra, public opinions and rites that you have to follow.Let's explore the Italian and Kenyan mantras and you'll tell me if I'll be able to remain sane.
In Italy:
the vice: this is more than a mantra. It's teh first commandment. I imagine Moses who climbs the mountains, sorrounded by thunder and lightenings and God tells him "don't spoil the baby". The first time I heard this sentence was Giovanni's third day. When they told me I started to look around to confirm that they were speacking with me. If I think of a spoiled child I imagine a child who cries unnecessary in order to have every toy, not about a newborn baby. I looked lost so they explained to me that when the baby cry has to be left in the pram learning how to console himself. The most famous sentence is: "Let him cry so he will develope the lungs" and I thought babies were born with lungs!
the matrimonial bed: this is an off limit area for newborns who can be squashed while parents are sleeping (if they are so lucky) and will never learn how to sleep in their own bed. The matrimonial bed is a dangerous and spoiling place.
Walks as way of the cross: you'll use one hour to walk 500 meters because everybody (shop keepers, children, retired people, unknow passers maybe some friend) want to see the creature. The most beautiful comments where: the t-shirt with buttons at the back will not allow the baby to sleep (cit. by an old woman at the market), cover him that is windy ( there were 40 degrees, the wind was hot and in the stroller the air doesn't enter).
protection: after labour you have to rest, can't go out for first 40 days and the baby has to stay quiet in the house.
Our final marks: homeless travelers (Simon has a full reportage of our feeding sections in gardens, train station, restaurant etc.), who spoil the baby hugging him and allowing to sleep in their bed.
In Kenya:
Children feel cold (I confirm you are reading about Kenya not Alaska). Giovanni always wear shorts, t-shirts and sometimes a pullover. Now he learn how to remove socks. One sunday I went for mass, was 11.30 a.m. and there were around 27 degrees. A friend come close with her seven months old baby who was wearing a sky suit. She was worried that Giovanni was feeling cold. I didn't know what to answer; today I'm still imbarassed in front of these questions.
babywearing: I proudly go around with my 4x4 stroller, perfect for Kenyan's bunming roads. Many women stoped me on the road gesturing to pick up the baby showing me a very sad face (Giovanni was looking at them dumbfounded while sucking his hand). Put the baby in the stroller its a mortal sin, he has to be always in your harms. The concept of babywearing (so fashion in Europe and USA) has been used here from generations. Many people so where happy about my baby wrap.
Co-sleeping: most frequent questions where about sleeping. Why does Giovanni sleep alone in his room? Doesn't he feel abbandoned? He doesn't sleep with you? What will happen if he jump out the baby crib? The baby crib is a dangerous place that couse endless sadness.
Co-sleeping: domande più frequenti sono state: ma come dorme da solo nella camera (ebbene si dal quarto mese siamo passati dalla culla-dove lo trovavamo al mattino con le gambe a penzoloni- al lettino nella sua bellissima stanzetta) non si sente solo? Non dorme nel lettone con voi? E se rotola giù? Il lettino e la culla sono luoghi ameni, portatori di danni irreparabili e causanti infinita tristezza.
diaper, the eggs killer: a cousin was very concerned because Giovanni was wearing a diaper and not a nappy. This bacause when he pees the gel become ice and will freeze the eggs (I delivered a chicken and I didn't know) cousing impotence.
Our final mark: degenerate parents who freeze children's eggs and abbandon the poor baby in a bed freezing.
The moral of the story is: none knows what you have to do. When I'll be in front of God I'll ask him two important things: why do the mosquito exist and is it right to hug babies when they cry?
So I understood this: the maternal (and paternal) instinct exists. It's a gift and guides us in this journey. Giovanni has the very same desires I've: be loved, have certainties and be happy. In this moment these desires means pick me up because I'm feeling alone, mum stay with me because I'm lost and let's do something beautiful together. I'm learning to risk, make mistakes and apologize for them. It's important to welcome other people suggestions but they need to be filtered; the best is to have friends who accompany you in this adventure. This is one of the most beautiful journey and I desire to live it like this: with Giovanni's smiles when he wake up in the morning in our bed, with cuddles, in my baby's enthusiasm discovering we are here for him, in the small and big targets he reaches. We discover the word together.
Comentarios