I thought you were a puppet

The theme of the month with the StorMoms** was “I thought you were a puppet”. I missed it. Even if I really wanted to write about it, many projects, work and super Gio really absorbed my time and energies. Even if I’m out of the competition I wanted to share with you my thoughts about it.

I think this theme is really making me think about all the issues of families, couples and partners who want a child and (for various reasons) can’t have. No one has the right to have a child. No one deserves to have a child. I didn’t deserve. With all the mistakes I made in my life, with all the wrong things I do now with my child the only thing I know is that I don’t deserve him. He is a gift, he has been given to me and my husband to accompany him in a (quite short)time of his life. Since I knew I was pregnant I felt this: I didn’t deserve, he was a Grace.

When you are a mother you are overwhelmed by suggestions, the dos and don’ts: how to educate, how to hold, how to sleep, what to buy etc. And so you start to imagine yourself as a mother balancing between these dos and don’ts, like if you were walking a tightrope; then follows how you imagine your child. What did I think? I always said that he was going to be quiet, rarely crying in the night and happy. Everybody ( from my friends to my grandparents) laughed at me and told me that what I was imagining of a perfect child, who doesn’t exist.

How is Giovanni? Exactly as I thought. This is because we don’t deserve him: despite all the mistakes, he is always there helping us in knowing and raising him.

* StorMoms is an Italian community of mothers who write monthly about a topic. For more look on the facebook page